So Google Glass is available to the public! For the bargain basement price of only $1500!

Yikes.

Luckily, I have found a low-cost alternative that you can make with stuff you probably have laying around the house.

DIY Google Glass FREE! What do you think?

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There is some weird stuff on Pinterest. These are some of the weirdest Pinterest boards I could find.

What are some weird things you’ve found on Pinterest? Comment below with a link!

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Do you have a singing dog? Well, we want you to send us video!

Watch this:

Dog singing videos of any kind are welcome. However, please NO MUSIC in the background and please also hold your phone horizontally.

Email your entries to markkayeshow(at)gmail(dot)com by Monday, April 7, 2014.

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April Fools’ Day is not my favorite holiday. I don’t like pranks, tricks, or practical jokes. I made this video and song parody to explain exactly how much I hate April Fools’ Day.

Do you ever pull April Fools Day Pranks? What’s your favorite? Comment below.

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Look at this. Sellotape Selfies are the new “Planking” and “Tebowing.” You take packaging tape and wrap it around your face. Then take a selfie. Here’s a quick demonstration:

“Sellofies” are popping up all over Instagram and the Internet.

Have you tried taking a #SellotapeSelfie? Post the link in the comments below!

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#MercerMadness! Mercer beat Duke! My 2014 NCAA Tournament March Madness Bracket has been filled out! This season I used “Brack-EGG-tology.” It’s like Bracketology, only with eggs and a microwave oven and the eggs picked Mercer to WIN IT ALL! Watch.

Who did you pick as your final four?

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Disney’s Frozen is now available on DVD and BLU-RAY. If you are a Dad and have been putting off getting this video for your daughter, trust me, ORDER IT NOW! Here’s why:

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The Bachelor Finale on ABC this past week proved that Juan Pablo is the worst and most hated bachelor contestant of all time. And poor Clare Crawley. All she wanted was for some man to tell her he loved her. Instead, she got Juan Pablo. This video is for everyone who loves Claire and hates Juan Pablo.

To the tune of “Talk Dirty to Me” by Jason Derulo featuring 2Chainz.

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I used to be a waiter. I was really good at it too. I put on a show for every single table, made them feel like they were the most important table I had ever had. I didn’t just tell people the specials, I sold them a dining experience that they would never forget! And I made great tips!

One day this dude I worked with pulled me aside and said, ‘Mark I see you running around, refilling these water glasses, being all ‘above and beyond.’ That’s not necessary. Don’t work so hard. At the end of the day odds are they will leave you about 15%. No matter how hard you work. So why work so hard?”

What a douche.

“Who is this weirdo settling for ‘average’ results? Why is he trying to convince me that I can make a comfortable living doing less work and exerting less energy? What a freak.” I ignored him and went about my business wowing my patrons and being the world’s best waiter. Oh and averaging about 18%. Take that slacker!

But the more I worked and the more I interacted with people I realized that I was wrong. Dead wrong. He wasn’t the freak. He wasn’t the weirdo…I was.

I was the weirdo.

See, the majority of people in this world work toward mediocrity. They work just hard enough to keep their jobs. They put in the minimum amount of effort possible to survive. That’s why they call it “mediocrity,” because it’s right in the middle. It’s where most of the people are and, sadly, it’s where most are content to stay. Making 15% tips.

See, I wasn’t the world’s best waiter. (I think that title actually belongs to some dude in France.)  I was just “better than him.” I was slightly above “mediocre.” But, it made all the difference.

Most people who eat in restaurants, or fly on airplanes, or call radio stations come in contact with the 15%ers. Why? Because there are more of them then there are of us! That’s why being slightly better than average makes you seem like you are LIGHT YEARS ahead of the game!

You know that guy who is always smiling and saying “Hello?” He’s not WAY happier than anyone else, he’s just slightly happier than the majority of people. But he seems like he’s freebasing prozac.

The girl at the grocery store who calls you by your first name. She’s not REALLY interested in you, but she is slightly more interested than most other women. And it makes you feel like a stud!

Our world is run on averages. You are either above, below, or right in the middle. Slightly above average and WAY above average are both “above average.” That’s where you succeed. You can separate yourself from the masses simply by being better than average. You can be the greatest “whatever” in the world, simply by being better than mediocre.

And you’ll make great tips!

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A problem is half of a whole. If you have a problem without a solution then you’re just complaining.

That’s why people LOVE “problem solvers” and not “problem pointer-outers.”

Nobody remembers who complained about the dark but we all know who invented the light bulb.

Identifying what’s wrong is important, but it’s only half the battle. And the people who provide the solution are the ones who get the glory.

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“Smartphones” are great.

They have everything you need: Cameras, voice recorders, web browsers, instant messaging, apps, games, and, of course, a phone.

They come wrapped in sleek packaging, bolstered by brilliant marketing, and make you feel like you spent your hard earned money on something awesome.

“Stupidphones” are just like smartphones, except the have bad antennae, no reception, zero bars, and dead batteries.

They are smartphones that have been rendered useless because, for whatever reason, they just don’t work.

When you drop a call because your battery dies or you can’t upload that brilliant photo to Instagram because you’re in a bad cell area, the first thing you do is look at your smartphone and say, “Stupid phone!”

Your ideas, your marketing, your vendors, your team are just like your smartphone. They may look smart, they may seem smart, they may have all the bells and whistles and come wrapped up in slick packaging, but if they just don’t work, then they’re not smart at all.

And if you keep holding onto something that just doesn’t work, then neither are you.

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Pro football teams have an unfair advantage in the local marketplace: They are the only game in town. (With the exception of New York.)

And, no matter how bad their game is, they still draw thousands of customers every single week.

Our local franchise is bad…really bad. But 10 times a year 57,000 people put on their jerseys and head out to the stadium where they spend  hundreds of dollars on tickets, souvenirs, and beer, then cheer on their team hoping for a win.

Hope is a great marketing tool. It’s why the NFL is so profitable. Their clients spend money on hope.

They hope their team make the playoffs.

They hope their team can eek out a win.

They hope that the team will eventually get better.

Hopeful fans, however, are a luxury most businesses just don’t have.

Unlike the Jacksonville Jaguars, or the Kansas City Chiefs, or other franchises who can afford to spend time “rebuilding” damaged products, most of us have competition. We have to get it right the first time or else our customers will simply go someplace else.

Readers won’t  buy your books HOPING they get better.

Diners won’t keep coming to your restaurant HOPING service improves.

You won’t buy a new model of your current car HOPING the to get more miles to the gallon.

You are not a pro football team. Your fans have other options. You have to win…

Every. Single. Time.

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Last night I learned one of the most important lessons about finding personal success while visiting the men’s bathroom at my local movie theater.

It changed my life.

The movie just let out and I had to pee REAL BAD! (Damn jumbo sodas.) I was fifth in line, standing there with my legs crossed, watching other dudes go up to urinals and walk in and out of stalls when I noticed something odd: One stall didn’t appear to have anyone going into or coming out of it. One stall was closed but appeared to be unoccupied.

Could it be? While we were all waiting in line like sheep could an opportunity be staring us all right there in the face? Were we all just too distracted by our bladders and too brianwashed by “etiquette” to investigate a potential windfall?

I thought of going up and knocking on the stall door to see if it was available. What could it hurt? If the stall was occupied, I was no worse off than before. I would just get back in line and wait my turn. If it wasn’t occupied…Score! I had just jumped ahead of four or five other dudes who were also trying to get what I wanted.

Then I began to have doubts.

How embarrassed would I be if the stall was occupied?

And if it wasn’t occupied would the other guys in line be ticked off because I jumped ahead of them? Would they think less of me or become jealous that I had something thye didn’t?

Then, while I sat there with my thoughts and debated my next move, domething horrible happened…some other guy who was standing behind me went up and KNOCKED ON THE STALL!!!

The door swung open…it was empty.

While I was wasted precious seconds going over every possible scenario in my head, and trying to predict every possible outcome, and second-guessing my great idea, the guy behind me just went up and KNOCKED ON THE STALL!!!

He didn’t hesitate. He didn’t overthink it. He took the risk and now he was reaping the reward.

I missed my shot and now somebody else was pi$$ing all over my dream…literally.

Starting today I make the following vow:

“When I see a potential opportunity I will not hesitate, I will not procrastinate, I will walk right up and KNOCK ON THE STALL!

That’s the only way to get the door to swing open.

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It used to be called the “March on Washington Speech.” Then it was simply know as the “I Have A Dream Speech.” Now it’s so iconic that simply Googling “The Dream Speech” brings up 420,000,000 results.

When Rev. King delivered it 50 years ago there were no smartphones, no twitter, no YouTube. Photographers had to “develop” their photos and wait until the next day before any newspapers could even hope of distributing them. TV stations didn’t have the capabilities they do now to “break in” and broadcast HD signals from a converted delivery van. Radio was there because, well, radio has always been there. But despite the absence of bloggers, and Facebook, and the Internet itself, somehow Martin Luther King Jr.’s words and his speech in front of the Lincoln Memorial has become one of the most iconic sermons in history.

It’s because of the words.

No matter how they are delivered words have power. And the right words, in the right order, with the right sentiment, can impact the entire world, even without the benefit of technology.

Dr. King spoke to an audience of 250,000 that day. I speak to more than that every morning on my radio show. Social media grants that kind of access to anyone who takes the time to pursue it. So why don’t we have the same impact? Why aren’t our thoughts quoted for decades? Why doesn’t history immortalize us?

It’s the words. The right words, in the right order, with the right sentiment can impact the entire world. The words turned “The March on Washington Speech” into “The Dream Speech” because they turned the people who heard them from “marchers” into “dreamers.”

What do your words do? What do your words turn people into?

Friends? Foes? Fans? Followers?

The delivery system doesn’t matter. Twitter, Facebook, and your Blog simply let people know that you have the “latest technology” not the “greatest philosophy.”

Start with the words. Because 50 years later Rev. King is long gone, but 420,000,000 search results prove that his words will live forever.

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I was in a contest that I did not win.

I came in second.

More than a few folks came up to me afterward, patted my shoulder and said, “You shoulda won.” That’s a nice sentiment. But it’s a false one. If I “shoulda” I “woulda.” But I didn’t.

The winner is always the person who wins. Debating the outcome depreciates their accomplishment and makes the loser feel cheated. No good can come from it.

If you lose, you lose. You will win one day. And when you do, do you want people telling the other guy, “You shoulda won?”

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My boss began our monthly meeting by saying, “Settle in everybody, this is going to be a long one.” Then he started a powerpoint presentation which seemed to reinforce his statement.

I started mentally shuffling my appointments and subconsciously rearranging my personal schedule to accommodate this “long one.”

Imagine my surprise when, after only 50 minutes, the meeting was adjourned. It was 10 minutes shorter than our usual meetings. And MUCH shorter than what most people in the room were imagining it would be after my boss’ dire opening statement.

My day was made.

I now had more time than I had anticipated because my manager set me up for grief but then super-served my expectation. What a great idea! Make people think that a process will be grueling when you know, for a fact that it won’t. When they come out the other side they think you are a genius.

Doctors, tell your patients their recovery will be twice as long as it actually is.

Lawyers, tell your clients you’ll bill twenty hours when you know you can get it done in ten.

Dentists, instead of saying “This will only hurt a bit,” start saying, “You’re about to feel intense and excruciating pain.” Then when I don’t, I’ll think that either YOU are the best dentist in the world or I am a SUPERMAN! Either way, I’ll be much happier than when I sat down in the chair.

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Great blogs are consistent blogs. For that reason alone this is not a great blog.

But that is about to change. I have scrapped everything to this point and am starting again. And I plan on blogging consistently.

365 days a year? Not quite. That would be setting myself up for failure. I’m not going to write anything on Christmas morning, or my wedding anniversary, or those days when I just want to sit on the couch with my family and watch every Disney DVD we own while eating popcorn and M&Ms. But consistently.

What will I be writing about?

Ideas. Mine, yours, and other people’s.

There will be no pictures of puppies or video clips of me on a zip-line…I have Facebook for that. This blog will be words and ideas. Thoughts and questions. An opportunity to teach and to learn.

But most of all, it will be consistent. And maybe one day, even great.

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